Wednesday, January 06, 2010

On the plight of small-bootied women

Okay, so I thought it was a portent of badness when, on my first day of the new year, I got to mop up dog puke, thus nearly concussing myself on the inside of Dave's crate and missing the morning staff meeting. It turns out I was right, because I find, when I get to work, an e-mail directing me to a product that addresses that most vital of womanly concerns:

1. I can't really speak to the usefulness of the Booty Pop, because, as a woman with a sufficient abundance of booty, I'm not the target market. But the women in the video seem ready to weep in the ladies' room and cut themselves at their lack of booty, and they seem orgasmically elated at the new addition of booty, so I guess the product is a winner.

2. We all know how I feel about the word "booty." Shudder.

3. I'm concerned about the woman in the ad who is speaking animatedly with her friend as the third woman comes out of the dressing room to show off her brand-new ass. I know that my friends and I have been known to say to each other things like, "Wow, your ass looks great in those jeans," but it never really goes further than that. We certainly don't discuss it with a third party while the owner of the ass in question preens in the mirror. This woman may well be saying something like, "God, she's already such a slut, even without an ass. With that thing, she's going to be through both of our boyfriends by lunchtime. God help us if she gets a ShapeChanger too."

4. The popping sound as the women's butts go from flat to fabulous strikes me as unhealthy.

5. The whole thing makes me think about the scene in Bridget Jones's Diary where Bridget is deciding which knickers to wear on a date.
Major dilemma. If I actually do, by some terrible chance, end up in flagrante, surely these [lacy knickers] would be most attractive at crucial moment. However, chances of reaching crucial moment greatly increased by wearing these scary, stomach-holding-in panties very popular with grannies the world over. Tricky. Very tricky.

There's also the concern that, in the heat of the moment, when the Booty Pops come off, your male admirer will feel a victim of false advertising.

Use in conjunction with the Invisible Tummy Trimmer to completely disguise the shape of your shamefully natural body and cut off all circulation below the waist.

(h/t Holly)

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