On shiny, brightly-colored objects

Okay, so I know this isn't even a subtopic of the article in question, but I read this bit:

Mitchell E. Daniels Jr., Bush's first budget director and now the GOP candidate for Indiana governor, remembered presenting Bush with a variety of spending choices, usually depicted with the elaborate charts and graphs the president seemed to like. (Emphasis mine)

and I just get this image of President Bush running a grape-jelly-stained index finger over a pie chart of federal social program spending and intoning, "Pretty... Pretty."

On spiffy metaphors - and on much-needed vacations

Okay, so I feel silly sometimes posting things that other people said without any sort of commentary beyond the occasional "Right on" or "Way to go, girlfriend," but sometimes people just say things better than I could say them. So today's Practically Harmless Quote O' the Week is going to have to go to Tony Goins, commenter over at GWBWYPGN?!, with this very illustrative metaphor:

Al Qaida and Saddam were like Wendy's and Burger King -- they both want to see McDonald's go down, but that doesn't make them allies.

Right on. Way to go, girlfriend.

In other news, blogging will be slow this weekend due to a much-needed and much-deserved beach trip. But then, blogging tends to be slow, and if I didn't post for three days, no one would notice - or care, for that matter. So why mention it? Gloating, pure and simple.

Suck it.

On satisfyingly large round numbers

Okay, so we're on the cusp of an auspicious occasion - nearly 500 people have wasted their time accidentally stumbling onto this blog in a search for dog porn. If you happen to be lucky enough to watch the numbers turn over to the big five-oh-oh, shoot me a note down in the Comments section and I might slip you a little something special. Not like that, you sick perv; like a t-shirt or something. Jesus.

On Michelle Malkin, beauty queen

Okay, so this just about caused me to spit coffee all over my computer monitor. This one goes out to all those nutty Republicans who think that Michelle Malkin is the epitome of conservative hotness. Much thanks to Sadly, No! for the link.

On the next big reason to be scared

Okay, so... Eh, I got nothing. Sigh. Link.

"Cues from chatter" gathered around the world are raising concerns that terrorists might try to attack the domestic food and drug supply, particularly illegally imported prescription drugs, acting Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Lester M. Crawford says.

On a little bit of Illinois snark

Okay, so Illinois Republicans have been scrambling to find a senate nominee after Jack Ryan was forced to drop out of the race basically for being a super-perv. They finally settled on Alan Keyes, two-time loser of the presidential race and, curiously enough, Illinois non-resident. Now, apparently Democratic nominee Barack Obama agreed to six debates with Ryan, but will only agree to two or three with Keyes. Courtesy of Talking Points Memo, the snarky little exchange that reminds me, as if I needed it, why Barack Obama is my new boyfriend:

Obama says he'll debate Keyes two or three times, not six.

To which Keyes responded: "So let's see. Before I came on the scene, Barack Obama thought of himself as if he was in the same class as Lincoln and Douglas in the critical drama of American life. And now he realizes that he's not in that class. Well, I think that the state of Illinois remains in that class. . . . And I think that it is a disservice to the people of this state to allow him to cower in timidity, and before the real historic challenge that is before us in this campaign."

Obama replied, pretty cleverly I thought, that the six debate offer was "a special for in-state residents."

Oh, Barack, you scamp.

On the eloquent leader charged with the task of carrying us through these turbulent times

Okay, so... eh, screw it. No comment. Link.

Thanks to Kos for the link.

On blogging from work

Okay, so I'm not going to tell the whole story, 'cause it's not really my story to tell; it's Doug's (you all know Doug; hi, Doug), and he knows all of the gory details, and he tells it better anyway, so be sure to keep an eye on GWBWYPGN?! for the complete poop. And I'm also going to start with a disclaimer: blogging at work is wrong, m'kay? Doing anything at work that isn't work-related is wrong and is misuse of company assets, and you should never, ever, ever do that. And all other things aside, Doug should have known that, and was completely in the wrong (and a big ol' butthead) for doing it. Shame, shame. Eye contact. Hand.

That having been said, though, this whole thing has been blown wildly out of proportion. What whole thing, you ask? Um, this whole thing:

UAB editor's blog raises legal questions
UAB to discipline Kerry volunteer for politicking at work
UAB To Discipline Worker For Online Politicking

Once again - yes, what he did was wrong. But come on. Read over the articles and then come the hell on.

A bit that I liked:

By noon Thursday, Gillett had generated and posted to the Internet more than 800 words of commentary, pictures and links to articles on his own blog and contributed almost 700 words to the running arguments on Politics 101.

Anyone who has done any blogging knows that if you're really passionate about a topic, writing about it isn't that hard to do - that's why you have a blog. And anyone who knows Doug knows that he in particular could pound out 800 words in a matter of minutes. 800 before noon? Hell, it was probably 800 between 9:12 and 9:18.

And let's talk about slacking, BTW. If all of this blogging is really taking time away from his work, you'd think UAB would be all over him, n'cest-pas? But, to blatantly steal from the man himself, Ooh, the card says "Moops"! The university didn't know a thing about until they got a call from a reporter, who got his tip from... an anonymous letter sent directly to him. Not at all creepy there.

So, to recap: citizen is concerned about all of this blogging on state computers/time and goes directly to Doug's boss - whoops, sorry there, writes an anonymous letter to a reporter.

But one might wonder why this is newsworthy at all. Doug said it himself - "I could have gotten fired for doing blow in the men's room at UAB and it wouldn't have made the paper." Too true. I'm pretty sure it comes back this other bit that I like,

A volunteer spokesman for John Kerry's presidential campaign in Alabama will be disciplined for using a computer at his workplace — The University of Alabama at Birmingham — to post Internet messages critical of President Bush. (Emphasis mine)

Now, if you look at the blog, it's not a Kerry blog. Parts of it actually say that it is in no way associated with the Alabama for Kerry organization. But it's too much trouble to do the research or ask the pertinent questions - besides, if we did that, we might discover the truth and then be obliged to report it. And I'll admit, if the Alabama for Kerry communications director was doing his AL for K stuff on state time at a state computer, the media would be right to pick it up.

But it's not all that. It's one dumbass who was too stupid to think that blogging from work was a bad idea. And a dumbass isn't newsworthy. That is, if you're willing to do the research to find out that all he is is a dumbass. Dumbass.

ACG posted this on work time at 12:02 PM.

On Swift Boat Veterans for Truth

Okay, so I wasn't there, so I wouldn't know, but it looks like an Atrios commenter was and might just:

We had a name for guys like these Swifties for Truth: Buddy-fuckers.

On flying the formerly friendly skies

Okay, so maybe I feel a little bit guilty about further publicizing the indefensible paranoid wingnuttery of famed frequent flyer Annie Jacobsen, but as I'm sure that all three of my readers have heard of her already, I won't feel too terribly guilty. For whoever wandered over here in a misguided Google search for homoerotic puppy porn or the like, a quick overview of Annie's nightmare flight: Annie Jacobsen and her darling husband were flying Northwest one afternoon when a whole bunch of swarthy people dared to get on the plane with her. Throughout the course of the flight these particularly tan men committed such unforgivable sins as standing up, going to the bathroom, talking to each other, and on one terrifying occasion, glaring at her. Needless to say, Annie was traumatized to the point of pestering a flight attendant and later sharing her story with the extensive readership of Women'sWallStreet.com. Twice. Wait, no, actually four times.

Of course Annie was vindicated by the fact that the fourteen deeply tan men actually turned out to be Syrian musicians on their way to play a casino near San Diego, and that federal air marshals actually saw her as more of a threat to the safety of the flight than a bunch of guys with a McDonald's bag. Wait, "vindicated" isn't the word I'm looking for... It should be... outed as a complete nutjob? Hmm. Wordy, I suppose, but accurate.

Anyhoo, despite her exposure as a paranoid but persistent publicity hound, she's still gotten a lot of support from, well, her, and this guy, and of course these folks over here. But thankfully, World O'Crap has been kind enough to provide us with an update on this harrowing tale of men bold enough to disobey the "fasten seatbelt" light. My favorite part? Probably WOC's MST3K take on the story:

Suddenly there were no terrorists, no bomb built from a Big Mac container and a disposable camera. There was nothing on the plane but the hysterical man and woman of scaredycatness who suddenly found themselves alone with shadows and darkness, their invitations to Scarborough Country and Hannity & Colmes rescinded.... The Syrian musicians were found alive, well, and of normal size some 8,000 miles away, performing at a wedding in Damascus.

One point in Annie's defense - the men were discovered to be the backup band for a Syrian singer named Nour Mehana, frequently called "The Syrian Wayne Newton." The Syrian Wayne Newton? Terrifying.

On Sen. Joe Lieberman (D), Connecticut, tool

Okay, so I know this guy was our vice presidential candidate back in 2000, and I'm not going to say for a second that the country is better off with Bush/Cheney than it would have been with Gore/Lieberman - War on Terra notwithstanding. But the fact is, we'd be better with Bobo the Chimp than our current leader, and I don't think that, under a Gore administration, our national success, security, whatever you want to call it would have been because of Joe Lieberman, because the more I hear him speak, the more I realize that he is a) wholly uninspiring, in terms of physical presence and apparent intestinal fortitude, and b) a complete and utter tool.

On CNN Sunday, there was this'n:

LIEBERMAN: I don't think anybody who has any fairness or is in their right mind would think that the president or the secretary of Homeland Security would raise an alert level and scare people for political reasons.

And back in January, of course, there was this'n:

LIEBERMAN: [L]ook at Saddam's record. He has got weapons of mass destruction. ... He tried to kill President Bush's father in 1993. How much more of a terrorist act could there be?

Gosh, let me think on that...

But I think that in the end, it can be traced back to this'n:

MILLER: Hey, Joe, want to come over to my place Fourth of July weekend? We're barbecuing.

LIEBERMAN: Gosh, Zell, I don't know, I've kind of got plans for the Fourth.

MILLER: Come on, Joe. We're serving Kool-Aid.

LIEBERMAN: Well, I do love some Kool-Aid...

'Course you do.

On terra. TERRA! (Ooga-booga)

Okay, so the threat level has been raised to orange in DC and Newark, NJ (New York has been at orange ever since September 11). This is the result of late-breaking terror threats on some of our nation's financial centers. This is no joke; President Bush was quoted by the Washington Post as saying,

It's serious business. I mean, we wouldn't be, you know, contacting authorities at the local level unless something was real.

But local authorities have been contacted, and residents of both towns can take comfort in the fact that in addition to the new security that they can see, there's more behind-the-scenes security to keep them safe from the terrorists that we know are coming.

But even with terrorist threats looming, we need to remember that - what's that? I'm sorry? Ladies and gentlemen, this just in - the late-breaking news that has necessitated the royal tizzy currently enjoyed by Tom Ridge and friends is actually, well, old. Like, way old. Like, several years old, dating back to before the September 11 attacks, like news that Condi Rice considered "historical" back in August of 2001. Said one senior law enforcement official, "There is nothing right now that we're hearing that is new. Why did we go to this level? I still don't know that."

Why would our trusted leaders do something like that? Why would they arouse the fears of American citizens over news that was considered old before it became pertinent the first time? What reason could the Bush administration possibly have for randomly frightening us with old news?

Ohhhh.

On the evils of bad poetry

Okay, so Landover Baptist Church has long been a beacon of hope for we the fallen and/or lapsed who seek to abandon our current flawed faiths in favor of something a little more judgmental. General J.C. Christian, Patriot has been kind enough to warn us of a group attacking the good works that Landover does. But Jim Carlson of Objective: Christian Ministries warns his flock of potential impostors writing comment-thread naughtiness in his name:

Any message you read claiming to be from Jim Carlson or any other OBJECTIVE: Ministries member that contains vulgarities, sexual innuendo, bad poetry, or other un-Christian sentiments is to be considered a FRAUD and ignored. [Emphasis mine]

Yes, of course. God forbid Our holy name should be attached to limericks with no perceptible meter. Or worse - haiku.

Note: Could this all be an elaborate parody? Jesus, God, I hope so. The question is, though: Can we take that chance?

On my new boyfriend

Hey, honey.

Okay, so anyone unfortunate enough to miss Barack Obama's keynote address to the DNC last night really, really missed out. I honestly don't know that I've ever heard anyone so sincere and passionate about what he was saying. He said all of the things that Democrats have needed to say, have been trying to say for months now but haven't known how - and he meant every word. I really can't describe what it felt like to just sit there and listen to him speak - and I'm starting to gush, so I'll just leave you with some of the high points. Thanks, by the way, to GWBWYPGN?! for the link, and to the Daily Kos for pointing out that maybe the Republicans want Obama as much as I do.

On with the show:

Tonight, we gather to affirm the greatness of our nation — not because of the height of our skyscrapers, or the power of our military, or the size of our economy. Our pride is based on a very simple premise, summed up in a declaration made over two hundred years ago: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal. That they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights. That among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.’

That is the true genius of America — a faith in simple dreams,, an insistence on small miracles. That we can tuck in our children at night and know that they are fed and clothed and safe from harm. That we can say what we think, write what we think, without hearing a sudden knock on the door. That we can have an idea and start our own business without paying a bribe. That we can participate in the political process without fear of retribution, and that our votes will be counted at least, most of the time.

This year, in this election, we are called to reaffirm our values and our commitments, to hold them against a hard reality and see how we are measuring up, to the legacy of our forbearers, and the promise of future generations.

Snip.

Now even as we speak, there are those who are preparing to divide us, the spin masters, the negative ad peddlers who embrace the politics of anything goes. Well, I say to them tonight, there is not a liberal America and a conservative America — there is the United States of America. There is not a Black America and a White America and Latino America and Asian America — there’s the United States of America.

Snippety-snip.

We are one people, all of us pledging allegiance to the stars and stripes, all of us defending the United States of America. In the end, that’s what this election is about. Do we participate in a politics of cynicism or do we participate in a politics of hope?

John Kerry calls on us to hope. John Edwards calls on us to hope.

I’m not talking about blind optimism here - the almost willful ignorance that thinks unemployment will go away if we just don’t think about it, or the health care crisis will solve itself if we just ignore it. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about something more substantial. It’s the hope of slaves sitting around a fire singing freedom songs. The hope of immigrants setting out for distant shores. The hope of a young naval lieutenant bravely patrolling the Mekong Delta. The hope of a millworker’s son who dares to defy the odds. The hope of a skinny kid with a funny name who believes that America has a place for him, too.

Hope in the face of difficulty. Hope in the face of uncertainty. The audacity of hope! In the end, that is God’s greatest gift to us, the bedrock of this nation. A belief in things not seen. A belief that there are better days ahead.

I believe that we can give our middle class relief and provide working families with a road to opportunity. I believe we can provide jobs to the jobless, homes to the homeless, and reclaim young people in cities across America from violence and despair. I believe that we have a righteous wind at our backs and that as we stand on the crossroads of history, we can make the right choices, and meet the challenges that face us.

Barack? Call me. Yeah. Hey, there.

On more sick, sick bastards

Okay, so now we have to deal with Altavista searches for "raped by dogs"? Masturbating dogs weren't enough? What the hell.

I think someone needs to tell Basket Full of Puppies; this might be worthy of invesigation for his Official Right Wing Dog Injury Counter.

On caring enough to care

Okay, so in District 5 of the Muscogee County School Board, the wrong guy got elected. It's happened before. This time, it hits a little closer to home simply because the right guy happened to be my own dad. But there's no crying in baseball, and rubbin' is racin'; there will be no Florida-style recount, and to concentrate on the fifty-one percent who voted for the wrong guy would a) be sour-grapey and b) completely ignore the most important fact, which is that my dad ran in the first place.

Words can't describe how proud I am of my dad. Ever since the family moved to Columbus in 1991, he (we all, really) recognized that the school board left some room for improvement. There was a lot of Columbus-society "old money" flying around, a lot of politics, a lot of big egos, none of which contributed anything positive to the education of kids in Muscogee County. But instead of just sitting around bitching about it, like ninety-nine percent of the people in Columbus, my dad decided to do something about it and run for public office.

Honestly, Dad has so many other responsibilities, it's a wonder he had time. He's a family physician and the kind of doctor who really, sincerely cares about his patients - each of them gets as much time with him as they need, he'll answer a call at any time of the day or night, and with the number of low-income patients he sees every day, this is not a job that's keeping him in Mercedes convertibles. He honestly cares about his patients. And he cares about his family, too, his wife and two kids. You'd think that he'd be just about cared out.

But that doesn't happen with people like my dad. He has an infinite capacity for that kind of caring, and that extends to the kids in Columbus, Georgia. He cared enough to further extend himself and put himself out in the hopes that he could make a difference in the lives of all of those kids. That, in the end, voters chose the incumbent over the challenger, is to me far less significant than the fact that forty-nine percent of voters thought that my dad was the person in District 5 who would make their schools better, and the fact that he cared enough to run at all. The fact that he saw room for improvement and instead of bitching about it, instead of just sitting around and griping to his friends or starting a blog, he stepped up to the plate for his try at changing the world. Would that we all had the guts to do what he did.

More on this from my parents' other kid at GWBWYPGN?!.

On little bits of history repeating

Okay, so it took all of seventeen months in Afghanistan for George W. to get bored and jog off to find himself a new party in Iraq. We shouldn't be surprised, then, that, sixteen months after we headed into Baghdad with all kinds of shock and awe, his attention is starting to drift:

WASHINGTON -- President Bush said Monday the United States is exploring whether Iran had any role in the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, a scenario discounted by the CIA.

Well, great.

Flashback to September of 2001, when Richard Clarke was telling Bush that all of the 9/11 hijackers had been Saudi, and Bush told him to find a connection to Iraq. Why? Because "there aren't any good targets in Afghanistan" - Iraq would make a much better war.

I guess we're running out of good targets in Iraq.

Or maybe President Bush just isn't feeling terribly comfortable with poll numbers that indicate Americans aren't entirely pleased with the job he's doing in Iraq. It's finally getting through to him that his "Mission Accomplished" banner was just a bit premature and that the ticker-tape parade he was expecting won't be forthcoming, and rather than trying to fix what's probably broken beyond repair, he's decided to scrap it all and try again with a new bunch of Arabs. He's desperate to get one good war in before Americans go to the polls in November.

God help Iran. And God help whoever is in line after Iran (North Korea, maybe?). And if He's still willing, God help America.

Mad props to Atrios for the link.

On the noble euphonium

Okay, so thanks to Basket Full of Puppies for a giggle first thing in the morning.

"Tactical field tuba." Hee hee.

On the re-Iraqification of Iraq

Okay, so it looks like all of our progress in Iraq (which is debatable anyway, but for the sake of argument, we're gonna go with it) has come to a screeching halt and slammed into reverse as Iraqi Prime Minister Iyad Allawi, according to witnesses, pulls out a gun and goes all Saddam on six suspected insurgents at a Baghdad police station.

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

Granted, right now we're just working with allegations. So far, the story has only been picked up by the Australian media, and there are holes to be filled in - we don't know the names of the two people who witnessed the act, and Allawi claims that he's never been to the prison and doesn't carry a gun. But if there's any kernel of truth to this it all, it means bad, bad things for the American war effort.

Let's look at the scorecard, shall we? Executions... check. Torture... check. Rape rooms - does it still count if the victims are little boys instead of women? Yeah? Then check.

If substantiated, this means that we've been in Iraq for over a year to accomplish pretty much jack. It means that we've come in promising to save the Iraqi people and bring them the joys of freedom and democracy, and then we've given them more of same, but this time with their houses blown up and their families maimed. It means that over 1,000 coalition troops, nearly 900 of them American, have lost their lives so that we could leave Iraq just about as bad as it was before we got there.

Bad, bad things.

On the Iraqification of America

Okay, so anyone with a little bit of sense was concerned when the USA PATRIOT Act passed with such ease - in addition to a lengthy, horribly contrived acronym, the act went to great lengths to threaten and/or suspend our basic civil liberties.

Well, this guy can tell us what it's like to be hassled by not only the police but by the Department of Homeland Security - for taking pictures of a bridge for a photography class. For taking pictures of a bridge for a photography class.

Now, I don't doubt that part of the problem was that small-town police officers and security officials can have a tendency to get a little bit of attitude, let their position of authority go to their heads, get a bit swell-chested, especially when confronted with individuals who are... a bit more tan than others. But there comes a point when it's just post-9/11 paranoia, pure and simple, and it encourages those in positions of power to completely and totally step all over the Constitutional rights of those they're supposed to be protecting. And what sucks even more is that given the opportunity to take a much-needed whack at USA PATRIOT that would give us out rights back, the House decided that things are fine the way they are, thanks.

When are we going to get pissed off enough to do something about this? For that matter, is there really anything that we can do anyway? I'm not willing to sit back and watch John Ashcroft sift through my e-mail for fun, but I honestly don't know where to start.

Much thanks to Sadly, No! for the link.