Wednesday, November 10, 2004

On becoming randomly and spontaneously safe

Okay, so Attorney General John Ashcroft resigned on Tuesday.

In other news, a wolf at Zoo Atlanta was observed lying down with a lamb; leopards were seen lying down with kids at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, as well as a calf, young lion, and fatling together; and several witnesses reported that a little child was leading them.
"In a five-page handwritten letter of resignation, Ashcroft, who made headlines by periodically placing the country on high alert for terrorism, asserted that the task of safeguarding the country against terrorist strikes 'has been achieved.'" [Emphasis mine]

Well, it looks like the Bushies were right after all. They said that the only way to protect the country from the threat of terror was to re-elect Dubya. And look! It worked! I can't believe I didn't have faith in them before. I'm even on the record as saying that you can't win a war against an abstract concept like terror or poverty, and that we can't give up our liberties in the interest of security - and here it looks like all of our objectives have "been achieved" and we're safe now. Now if someone could hand me a washcloth to get this egg off of my face.

But really, John, this is just great. Just great. So our guys are coming home, then? 'Cause I can put together a welcome-home party like that. You just let me know when. I can get munchies, a band, everything. And I guess we're going to drop the terror warning level to green, since we're safe from terrorists now, right? Right? John?



Anonymous said...

Mission Accomplished

Jeff said...

Yeah, look! One catastrophic success after another!
War on Drugs
War on Poverty
War on Illiteracy
and now War on Terra.
Now, can we declare War on naming every goal a War On Something?