Thursday, November 15, 2007

On the generous gift of pocket tooties

Okay, so I guess if you spend so much time up someone else's ladybusiness, you might be concerned about being crowded out by "personal massagers" and such. I've mentioned before that the Alabama state legislature has outlawed the sale of personal sexual devices except as used in the course of legislation, health care, or law enforcement (the enforcement of which law is still a mystery to me). Well, apparently, such laws are still insufficient, because it would seem that merely selling a Jack Rabbit within shouting distance of an elementary school is enough to corrupt small children for life, leading them into lives of unspecified debauchery via mechanisms that are yet to be identified.

Anyway, the whole thing is a vague travesty -- a travesty! -- and something must be done:
Alabama Attorney General Troy King might ask the Legislature to amend the state's anti-obscenity law after a Jefferson County judge ruled this month that part of the law was too vague to force closure of a Hoover store that sells sexual devices.

…[Circuit Judge Robert Vance Jr.] ruled against the city of Hoover's contention that the Love Stuff store violated a state law prohibiting an "adult-only enterprise" from operating within 1,000 feet of homes, churches, schools, day care centers or other places "frequented by minors."

Vance ruled the law was too vague to enforce because it did not define "adult-only enterprise."

"While Love Stuff clearly sells a number of items that are for adults only, this Court lacks any standards to decide whether it is an `adult-only enterprise,'" wrote Vance, who spent an hour inspecting the store.

Of that hour, Vance spent 45 minutes inspecting the magazines and DVDs in the restricted section and another ten inspecting the crotches of the "sexy" Halloween costumes, now on clearance.

Onetime gubernatorial candidate Loretta Nall, she of the infamous tee-tas, is of the opinion that Troy King would be far more likely to keep his hands off of our personal massagers if he himself had a better-than-passing familiarity with the wonderful world of adult toys. Thus has she launched her campaign to help the poor guy out.
Now, I only have six words to say to AG King about his anti-dildo crusade..FROM MY COLD DEAD FINGERS TROY!!!

I think that Troy may not have any experience with devices used in sexual pleasure, so, I am starting a crusade to introduce Troy King to the fabulous world of ben-wa balls, rubber weiners and pocket tooties. I want to encourage all of my readers to purchase a sex toy of some sort and send it to Alabama Attorney General Troy King. I also think there is something fundamentally wrong with a grown, college educated, elected official who seems to obsess over what other consenting adults in his home state might be using in the privacy of their bedrooms. I mean…don't we have much more serious problems in Alabama that our Attorney General should address?

Follow the link to Loretta's site for more information about where to send those pocket tooties to improve Troy King's quality of life.

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