On smacking your girlfriend for Jesus

Okay, so I know a lot of you guys have been wondering, "But when is it okay to smack my girlfriend around? When is domestic violence acceptable? There have to be some circumstances under which it's appropriate for me to slap the bitch out of her, right?"

Lucky for you, Steelers chairman Dan Rooney has laid out some guidelines.

A day that started with the release of Steelers wide receiver Cedrick Wilson after he was charged with assaulting his former girlfriend Wednesday night, ended yesterday amid a series of statements by team chairman Dan Rooney to address what appeared to be a double standard in dealing with players involved in off-field domestic disuptes.

Wilson became the second player in 11 days to be charged in a domestic dispute with a woman. On March 8, Pro Bowl linebacker James Harrison also was charged in an incident involving his girlfriend.

Harrison is still with the Steelers.

See, Wilson was charged with simple assault, harassment, and disorderly conduct when he clocked his ex-girlfriend in a bar. And that's not okay. Harrison was charged with simple assault and criminal mischief when he broke down his girlfriend's door, broke her cell phone in two when she tried to call 911, and slapped her with an open hand. Which is okay, if you have a good reason, which obviously he did.

"What Jimmy Harrison was doing and how the incident occurred, what he was trying to do was really well worth it," Rooney said of Harrison's initial intent with his son. "He was doing something that was good, wanted to take his son to get baptized where he lived and things like that. She said she didn't want to do it."

See, if you have a good reason, it's okay to break down someone's door and beat them up. So if you ever feel the need to break down someone's door and smack them around and get away with it, make sure you have a good reason. Like getting someone baptized. That makes it all okay.

(H/T Feministing.)