Thursday, April 28, 2005

On the real reason government doesn't freaking work

Okay, so regardless of your stance on the abortion issue, you have to admit that this just isn't freaking right. Pandagon brings us news of House Judiciary Committee markup of the Child Interstate Abortion Notification Act. Oh, I'm sorry, did I say markup? I should have said gleeful slashing with an Xacto knife:
DESCRIPTION OF AMENDMENT
AMENDMENT DESCRIPTION IN HOUSE REPORT 109-51

DEMS: a Nadler amendment allows an adult who could be prosecuted under the bill to go to a Federal district court and seek a waiver to the state’s parental notice laws if this remedy is not available in the state court. (no 11-16)
GOP REWRITE: Mr. Nadler offered an amendment that would have created an additional layer of Federal court review that could be used by sexual predators to escape conviction under the bill. By a roll call vote of 11 yeas to 16 nays, the amendment was defeated.

DEMS: a Nadler amendment to exempt a grandparent or adult sibling from the criminal and civil provisions in the bill (no 12-19)
GOP REWRITE: Mr. Nadler offered an amendment that would have exempted sexual predators from prosecution under the bill if they were grandparents or adult siblings of a minor. By a roll call vote of 12 yeas to 19 nays, the amendment was defeated.

DEMS: a Scott amendment to exempt cab drivers, bus drivers and others in the business transportation profession from the criminal provisions in the bill (no 13-17):
GOP REWRITE: Mr. Scott offered an amendment that would have exempted sexual predators from prosecution if they are taxicab drivers, bus drivers, or others in the business of professional transport. By a roll call vote of 13 yeas to 17 nays, the amendment was defeated.

DEMS: a Scott amendment that would have limited criminal liability to the person committing the offense in the first degree (no 12-18)
GOP REWRITE: Mr. Scott offered an amendment that would have exempted from prosecution under the bill those who aid and abet criminals who could be prosecuted under the bill. By a roll call vote of 12 yeas to 18 nays, the amendment was defeated

DEMS: a Jackson-Lee amendment to exempt clergy, godparents, aunts, uncles or first cousins from the penalties in the bill (no 13-20)
GOP REWRITE: Ms. Jackson-Lee offered an amendment that would have exempted sexual predators from prosecution under the bill if they were clergy, godparents, aunts, uncles, or first cousins of a minor, and would require a study by the Government Accounting Office. By a roll call vote of 13 yeas to 20 nays, the amendment was defeated.

Republicans complain that Democrats abuse the legislative process with their filibusters and smear campaigns on innocent Majority Leaders, and then they go and pull shit like this? This is the legislative equivalent of drawing an ugly picture of Teacher with horns and putting someone else's name on it before dropping it on her desk - and these people are not only adults (or convincing facsimiles thereof), these are the adults we've charged with the running of our country.

With this immature act, they have wasted the time of every legislator who contributed to the amendments in question, they have trivialized a bill regarding the health, safety and emotional well-being of girls who have already been victimized, they have made a mockery of the legislative process, and they have wasted the money of the taxpayers who pay their salaries while they play stupid little games with serious legislature. This wasn't even a matter of arguing against amendments that they felt didn't contribute to the effectiveness of the bill - this was a passive-aggressive, immature shot at the amendments themselves and the Democrats who wrote them. And what do they have to say about it?

Apparently, Judiciary Committee Chairman James Sensenbrenner had this to say to Democrat Rep. Louise Slaughter: "You don't like what we wrote about your amendments, and we don't like what you said about our bill."

Oh, boo hoo hoo freaking hoo. You poor, oppressed Republicans. All you have to your name is complete control of the Executive branch, the House and the Senate. It's empowering and heartwarming to watch you strive so diligently for respect as you act like a bunch of freaking fourth-graders.

I don't want to ever, ever hear a Republican complain about the way Democrats obstruct the legislative process. Not ever. 'Cause as long as we're not writing bills supporting the legalization of child prostitution, human sacrifice, poisoning of civic water reservoirs, and hourly reruns of "Charles in Charge" and submitting them under Tom DeLay's name, they have nothing to say about it. Congratulations, Repubs, you have lost what little of the moral high ground you have left. My advice? Keep it up. The more you play stupid little games with important legislation, the more you support ridiculously unqualified political and judicial nominees because they were Bush's idea, the more you worship Tom DeLay and defend him in his blatant flaunting of every basic, intuitive rule of ethics, the more you shameless and out-of-touch you look as a party. Keep it up. Come 2008, we can run Shaky the Epileptic Chimpanzee if we want and the Republican party will have no credible candidate to oppose him. So by all means, if this is the way you choose to address your role as lawmakers, keep it up.

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