Tuesday, January 23, 2007

On the state of President Bush's fantasy world

Okay, so it’s that time of year again, when our president is given an hour of network airtime to equivocate to the country and not get called on it. Last year, I threw a little twist onto the traditional SOTU drinking games and pledged money to the Wounded Warrior Project for President Bush’s various broken-recordish speech patterns. In the end, the good people got $127.50, or enough to fill one backpack with toiletries and personal items for a soldier who got wounded and shipped home in his same filthy uniform, with $28 to start on the next one.

This year will be a bit of a challenge because, wise to the fact that his repetitive catch phrases and “stay the course"s weren't and aren’t fooling anyone (or possibly just lacking in any convincing way to put lipstick on the pig that is Bush’s foreign policy), Bush’s speech writers have started getting a little more selective with word usage. That should be interesting, and it should also be interesting to see the responses from the newly-Democratic Congress. All told, I’ll still pledge $1 for each occurrence of the following:

- “terrorists”
- “surge”
- “benchmark”
- “enemy”
- “victory” or “winning”
- “mistake” ($5 if he actually admits to making it himself)
- “freedom” (if he falls back on “they hate our freedoms”? $5)
- “nucular” ($5 if he actually pronounces it correctly)
- “deficit”
- “tyrant” ($5 for “decapitation”)
- any reference to his warrantless wiretapping scheme
- any reference to the Iraq Study Group
- any inappropriate smiling while mentioning something that shouldn’t raise a smile
- 25 cents each time he’s interrupted for applause, and 50 cents for each standing ovation
- and, of course, the usual $10 for “Osama bin Laden”

I’ll also throw in another fiver if he threatens war against Iran or tells Americans to go shopping.

Once again, it’s quite the job, and anyone who wants to help me keep count can feel free. Watch this space for final numbers on the speech, snarky comments, and the final take for the Wounded Warrior Project. Wish me luck.

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