Monday, May 07, 2007
On Paris "Jailbird" Hilton: This Is Your Soundtrack
Lucky for her, jumpsuits are in this season.
Okay, so an entire morning of absolute chaos left me unable to post my usual Friday Random Ten last week, and I know that you were all weeping delicate crystalline tears at its absence. I make it up to you today with a Not-Even-Friday, Not-Even-Random Ten that'll blow the socks off even the most world-weary hotel heiress.
It's not news if everybody knows it: Paris Hilton is going to jail. Now, normally, I'd try to avoid such blatant crowing, if only because schadenfreude is bad for the soul (and because it's easy to tempt fate in such situations), but it really can't be helped. When someone that spoiled and entitled finally runs into someone who doesn't decide to let her slide because she's skinny and rich and her parents are somebody, it's... refreshing.
She drives drunk. Not. Okay. Never okay. She gets caught, she pleads no contest, she gets her license suspended. She drives anyway and gets pulled over for speeding and driving without headlights, and the cops discover her suspended license, and gets her car towed. Then she gets pulled over again for driving on her still-suspended license. She is, demonstrably and inarguably, an idiot.
Her defense attorney said that the sentence of 45 days in jail - not work release, not house arrest, jail - was "uncalled for, inappropriate and bordered on the ludicrous. I think she's singled out because of who she is."
No, buttercup, singling her out because of who she is would have meant not sentencing her to jail for repeatedly breaking the law. Jail is what happens to normal people who drive drunk and/or without a license. And that's why this Not-Even-Friday, Not-Even-Random Ten is dedicated to Paris Hilton, the cutest inmate at the Century Regional Detention Facility. Will her time in the clink make the world a better place? Will it bring about world peace? Will it answer all of our burning existential questions? Well, no. But it sure makes me feel better.
1. Jimmy Buffett, "Why Don't We Get Drunk
2. The Las, "There She Goes"
3. Sarah Vaughan, "Poor Butterfly"
4. The Rolling Stones, "You Can't Always Get What You Want"
5. Lo Fidelity Allstars, "Will I Get Out of Jail"
6. Johnny Cash, "Folsom Prison Blues"
7. Elvis, "Jailhouse Rock"
8. Johnny Cash, "Folsom Prison Blues"
9. A Tribe Called Quest, "Public Enemy"
10. Fiona Apple, "Criminal"
Your Ten goes in comments, if you have one, it being Monday and all.