Friday, August 03, 2007
On Rep. John Adams: This Is Your Soundtrack
Conan the Ovarian
Okay, so the Ohio state legislature is set to debate whether or not a woman has to be pregnant if the man who poked her requires it. Because the fetus is his property, and he has every right to store it in her uterus if he wants to.
Rose F. Kennedy, she of the Washington, D.C. Kennedys, once said that if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. I say we test that theory.
Here's my proposal for the next fundie-backed health initiative, since women's health obviously isn't a priority: Male pregnancy. No, seriously. Carrying a baby for nine months is so very easy that a woman should be forced to do it against her will? Have at. If your goal really is a welcoming uterus for every embryo, and not just punishment for evil, slutty women, put your money where your mouth is and start looking for a way to put that welcoming uterus in a welcoming body. And any man would be happy to be pregnant, right?
Until then, you might want to start making birth control, including - nay, especially - emergency contraception, more widely available and affordable; make sex education comprehensive and universally required; establish programs to help and protect young, single mothers who've been abandoned and/or abused by their families; make quality, affordable health care for mother and fetus available not only pre- but also post-natally; provide incentives for businesses to offer child care, compassionate leave, and family leave; and close the gender wage gap.
And until then, Ohio Representative John Adams, this Friday Not-Even-Ten is dedicated to you for your ceaseless devotion to forced pregnancy for slutty women. Should I find myself unwed and pregnant in Ohio, count on me to name you as father. Anyone else?
1. Cat Stevens, "There Goes My Baby"
2. Was (Not Was), "Baby I Need Your Loving"
3. Rodelheim Hartreim Project, "Papa"
4. Athenaeum, "If Baby's Gone"
5. Everclear, "Father of Mine"
6. Madison Avenue, "Don't Cal Me Baby"
7. Annie Sellick, "My Heart Belongs to Daddy" (NB: But My Uterus Belongs to the Ohio State Legislature)
8. Johnny Cash, "Daddy Sang Bass"
9. Fountains of Wayne, "... Baby One More Time"
10. Smash Mouth, "Can't Get Enough of You Baby"
Your Ten goes in comments. And guys, just out of curiosity here: If medical science could make such a thing possible, would you voluntarily get pregnant? If your girlfriend/wife couldn't/didn't want to be pregnant, would you do it for her?