Wednesday, August 31, 2005

On stuff I already told you

Okay, so mere moments ago, I predicted that wacko conservative Christians would be blaming this act of God on gays, when I was sure that God had another message. I done toldja, I done toldja. Feel free to ask for lotto numbers and football scores:
How did I know that WorldNetDaily would eventually publish a gem like this:

Hurricane hits just before homosexual event

Christian activist: Act of God prevented 'Southern Decadence' festival

Hurricane Katrina walloped New Orleans just two days before the annual homosexual "Southern Decadence" festival was to begin in the town, an act being characterized by some as God's work.
Fascinating. The hurricane also struck only one week after the annual Shrimp Festival in Delcambre, Louisiana. As you all know, God hates shrimp so much that He pointedly calls them "abominations" in the Bible. This debauched, gluttonous festival in Delcambre clearly aroused God's wrath and forced Him to seek vengeance. So for all you sinful jerks who decided to flaunt the Lord's will and chow down on shellfish, I point my finger and say, "YOU helped this to happen!"

In other news, I just got back from the grocery store, and you'll be pleased to know that Atlantans are now well-prepared for the bread, milk, and drinking water shortages that will inevitably follow the run on fuel. Still more forward-thinking, I myself have prepared for shortages of gin, tonic water, limes, Mocha Almond Fudge ice cream, and Lean Cuisines. Feel free to follow my lead; I believe my talents for foresight are well documented.


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