On mice and mice-men

Okay, so during last night's SOTU, Bush took the enormous, undirected, Six-Degrees-of-Kevin-Bacon random-ass Quantum Leap from genetic research and stem cell research to... human-animal hybrids. As wacky as it sounds, it does have some basis in reality - some scientists have been experimenting with human cells spliced with animal cells in an effort to make, say, a more human-friendly pig heart valves for transplantation purposes, and the President's Council on Bioethics has laid down a 'no-chimera" policy as a universal baseline.

That having been said, the comment came completely out of left field and stymied more than a couple of people. It also got me to thinking: since the thinking person immediately questions every single thing that comes out of Bush's mouth, doesn't that make human-aninmal hybridization something that we might want to look into? I mean, just consider the possibilities:

1. The FBI Obviously not doing their jobs. The one we have apparently missed a couple of 9/11 highjackers who were on terror watchlists and still managed to buy tickets under their own names. Slackers. Who can we count on to really do the job if not...

You damn right.

2. The Department of Homeland Security Our resources are stretched way too thin, and the people in charge are buddy appointments who are inexperienced and unqualified. We need a team with useful experience and technological knowhow. Someone like...

Can you dig it?

3. The CIA What good is having any intelligence if you can't trust it? After the fiasco with WMD intel, anything coming out of Iran is bound to be questionable, and you can't base a solid operation on shaky intel. What we need is someone who can slip right in, blend in with the scenery, get first-person information, and then slip away unnoticed. I dunno, maybe...

Right on!

4. The NSA Who needs warrantless wiretaps when you've got a sixth sense to tell you when danger's near? J'accuse...

We can dig it!

5.The TSA Air marshals are great, but what we really need is someone who can keep the peace on an airplane without having to carry a firearm. Perhaps...

... who probably wouldn't be able to get past the metal detectors. Okay, that one was just another cheap excuse to post a picture of Hugh Jackman in a wifebeater. Needs to call me.