Okay, so you know I love a good meme. Will I jump on any opportunity to join in the artificial camaraderie of a blink-and-you'll-miss-it blogging trend? It is undeniably so.
So when Doug popped up with a list of things he hates, i did an uninhibited Snoopy dance of joy at my desk. A meme that also indulged my passion for negativity? Sign me up!
1. What is the worst DVD/video you own?
2 Fast 2 Furious, and the most embarrassing thing is just how quickly I was able to come up with that answer. Lack of disposable income has kept my movie library fairly groaner-free, but this was one of my little self-indulgences, purchased during my gearhead phase when I was dating a guy with a tricked-out Eclipse (which would have been raceworthy had he actually let a professional mechanic do the mods; for God's sake, an engineering degree and Mitsubishi's hottest new mistake don't turn you into Carroll Shelby). Anyway, the real reason for the purchase was the fact that it starred Paul Walker, who is seriously, seriously hot, especially when he isn't trying to act.
2. What is the worst concert you've ever seen in person?
This one is a bit tougher, because I make it a point to not see a lot of bad concerts. The concert with the worst music was probably in March of 2000, when Lokomotiv opened for Train at the 40Watt in Athens. I'm willing to accept that Scandinavian pop-rock is an acquired taste, but the fact that the best description Flagpole could come up with was "sharply-dressed" should have told me something. From an emotional standpoint, the worst ever was Jump, Little Children at Eddie's Attic in December of 2003, for reasons that you don't care to hear and I don't care to relive.
3. What is the worst experience you've ever had at a restaurant?
The only really spectacularly bad experience I can remember was actually made better by the fact that it was so bad; it got to that point where you can either laugh or cry, so we chose to laugh. That was the evening that my aunt, uncle, cousin and I spent at an Applebee's in Fernandina Beach, Florida that was comical in its crappiness. If I recall correctly, Aunt B ordered the garlic steak, medium, with smothered mashed potatoes; Josh ordered the Cajun steak; Uncle Whitey ordered the sirloin; and I ordered the shrimp skewers (saving myself for tailgating the next day). Well, first they came out with two garlic steaks, a sirloin, and no mashed potatoes. They left one garlic steak and the sirloin. A few minutes later, they brought Josh's Cajun steak, and again no mashed potatoes, which appeared ten minutes later after much prodding. At this point, Whitey's steak was getting cold and my shrimp skewers hadn't arrived, so he called the manager over for a polite but sincere come-to-Jesus. My meal arrived a few minutes later...
... except it was steak skewers. When we pointed this out, the poor waitress looked like she'd been punched in the stomach. Starving hungry at that point, and just a little bit tipsy from two G&Ts on an empty stomach, I offered to eat what was in front of me. I had just settled in to address my almost-order when a crowd of waitpersons swarmed in to wish a happy-happy-birthday to Daniel at the table behind us. There was much fanfare and clapping, and then as the waitswarm dispersed, a woman at the table whispered to their waitress that birthday girl was, in fact, named Elizabeth.
It's really hard to eat steak skewers when you can't stop laughing.
4. What is the worst movie you've ever seen in the theatre? Self-explanatory.
Kill Bill, Vol. 1 I'm sorry, the emperor was flat naked. I have this fantasy of Quentin Tarantino sitting down to write it, thinking, "I'm going to do everything in my power to write the lousiest movie known to man - the dialogue will suck, the action scenes will suck, the acting will really suck, and it's going to be boring as hell and covered in fakey magenta stage blood - and I'm going to call it an homage, and people are going to eat it up." And then he laughed all the way to the bank.
5. What is the worst book you've actually finished? You can't say "I read a few pages and it sucked so bad I put it down . . . " You have to have finished the book.
It's hard to say, but I think I'm going to have to go with The Genesis Code by John Case. I remember reading it and reading it and, with every turn of the page, thinking, "This guy is kind of well-known. This has to get better. It's just taking a while to warm up, but eventually, it will get better." And then I ran out of pages.
6. Who is the worst looking or least appealing celebrity you would have intimate relations with "just to tell the story"? Assume marital or other obligations did not exist. Assume no consequences arise therefrom. Here's where we find out just how disgusting my readers are. The person must be a celebrity though -- as in needs no introduction or explanation. The opposite gender is not required.
I have a confession to make. At one point a few years ago, a guy friend of mine got his heart seriously stepped on by a girl, and he was out for revenge. So of course, he came to me. He wanted to know the most hurtful thing he could possibly do to her to get back at her. And I'm ashamed to say it, but I was willing to help out. My advice? "Take her out, give her a fantastic, romantic evening, and take her back to her place. Pour her a glass of wine, give her a massage, and then proceed to do the kinkiest stuff you can convince her to consent to. We're talking stuff that would make Jenna Jameson cringe, stuff that wouldn't even make it to video, stuff that is deserving of nothing less than Khachaturian's "Sabre Dance" as a soundtrack. And then sneak out while she's asleep. When she calls to find out what happened, say to her, 'Oh, well, see, I'm into nice girls.'"
And that's why I choose Rick Santorum.
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