Okay, so my original plan for my big Halloween post was to make fun of a Jack Chick tract. More than 100 illustrated ChickTracts in (he claims) more than 100 languages warn good Christian boys and girls against the dangers of drugs, adultery, abortion, suicide, homosexuality, witchcraft, Islam, Catholicism, Mormonism, evolution, secularism, and calling Jesus a sissy. The best, though, have to be the Halloween tracts, which warn us that Halloween is not fun, but is, in fact, the day that witches and Satanists in black, hooded robes put drugs and razor blades in candy to win innocent little child-souls for the Dark Prince. The challenge of snarking a ChickTract, obviously, is that it does a pretty good job of that by itself.
Instead, I decided to put a slightly more timely spin on the traditional tract, juicing it up with current events that concern us all. No truly scary Halloween would be complete without those most evil and threatening of Halloween goblins, courtesy of our uniter-not-a-divider President himself: Democrats.
Feel free to print it out, fold it up, and hand it out to trick-or-treaters who come in search of candy; they're guaranteed to return later tonight to thank you with several dozen eggs and a bunch of toilet paper. Happy Satan's Birthday to all.